1. I know everyone in the world so I will never ask for I.D.
2. "I'll be with you in a moment" means "come right up here into my business and breathe your popcorn breath in my face for a while."
3. Every bank in the world steals money from its customers, particularly from the ones that don't keep a transcation register.
4. I am always kidding when I tell people a check is not any good. I am a good kidder.
5. I know the balances of EVERY account at the bank.
6. I am at the bank just because I feel like it. My window isn't actually open when I say "May I help you?"
7. I know everyone's account number.
8. I know everyone's address.
9. I do not understand how banking works, so please feel free to inform me.
10. I have to do whatever the person who gave my customer the check said.
11. I do not know how to count.
12. I do not know how to add.
13. I do not know the date.
14. I can read everyone's mind.
15. If I ask you for your social security number, I am trying to steal your identity.
16. I don't sleep at night until I know when every new coin will be arriving.
17. I know how much everyone's bills are for the month.
18. We do not sell stamps.
19. We are just here for fun on most holidays; we're not really open. We love it when you rub it in.
20. When someone asks you how you want your cash back, you are supposed to wait until I have counted it back to you to tell me how you want it.
21. Apparently people have different definitions of commerical.
22. Your time is more important than mine. I have no life. When you show up five minutes
before we close to make 10 deposits or open a new account, we love it and don't mind.
23. Everyone with a bank name tag is related.
24. I am your secretary.
25. We love to place holds on your checks for fun. We are the only bank that does it.
26. Thirteen hours and ten minutes every day is not nearly enough time for poeple to do their
banking.
27. I am in charge of the never-ending coffee.
28. It is polite to ignore somoene when they say hello
29. It is my fault when someone cuts you off in line. I should have been paying more attention to your and not your money.
30. I know what a checkingdepositwithdrawal for savings is.
31. Being rude should make me want to help you more.
32. I am not really human. I should never make mistakes.
33. It is OK to walk into someone's office when their door is shut.
34. I am have secret collection of licenses in my window. I enjoy keeping them to see you freak out.
35. I can't hear. I need you to ding the bell five times in a row.
36. The sign that says "Next Window Please" is just for shits and giggles.
37. I make people wait on purpose. It's fun to make them mad and have them yell at you.
38. I know the PIN to everyone's ATM cards.
39. Fraud doesn't really happen to anyone. Therefore, I should give everyone exactly what they want.
40. The bank gives out free poinsettias at Christmas. We order them for you, not the bank. Display only means whatever you want it to mean.
41. "Please" and "Thank you" are forbidden words at the bank. We hate to hear them.
42. Check and Savings deposit slips are EXACTLY the same; we just like all the pretty colors and wanted to make them more colorful. Marking through the word "savings" changes the deposit slips completely!
43. Whne I tell someone the same thing over and over, I'm just doing it for fun. I like to waste my breath.
44. We will break the rules for anyone as long as you gripe for more than ten minutes.
45. I am a professional coin counter. Even when the machine is broken, I wll count the coin for you by hand.
46. I am a psychic. When you call, I can recognize your voice and pull up your information automatically. My computer is voice activated.
47. You do not have to tell me that you've been with the bank for fifty years. I can tell.
48. Even after five years, I am a new teller to anyone who has never seen me before. I've never met you; I have no idea what I am doing.
49. I make the rules for the banking industry. You can blame everything on me!
50. I am an idiot.
While some of these aren't exactly applicable to my job, they're funny nonetheless!
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